Sunday, August 8, 2010

Dealing with the "F Word" and People Who Really Care

Ah, the "f word." I hate it, but I have to live with it.  Sometimes I feel like the "f word" is ruling my life. The "f word" is fibromyalgia in case you didn't figure that out yet.  I want to take my life away from fibro, but I can't seem to find a way to.  Also I'm having problems that come along with fibromyalgia, like digestive problems that I suspect are caused by IBS, and pelvic pain.  I had a doctor appointment set up at Katy Trail (the poor people doctor office) but I chickened out and didn't go.  It was for the suspected IBS.  There really isn't much they can do anyway.  Then I had an appointment set up at my gyno's office for the pelvic pain I've been experiencing for months.  I once again cancelled because I chickened out.  When you already hurt having your hoo-hah examined first thing in the morning isn't fun.  Well gyno visits, or any doctor visits are not fun, but some visits are much less fun than others.  In fact it's the opposite of fun.

Right now I'm relaxing on the couch waiting for my honey to get home.  Maybe relaxing isn't the right word.  I wish I could relax!  Instead I am sitting partially slouched over because of back pain, my flopping shoulder joints are supported by my elbows on my thighs, I can feel the pain and tightness in my neck, upper and middle back radiating down my body.  My fingers hurt too bad to write but fortunately I can still type.  My ankle joints are loose and painful.  I can feel all my muscles tight, and in pain.  Not even my toes are exempt from pain.

Now if I told you this when you asked how I was, you'd run, wouldn't you?  No one seems to really care about how others feel.  People tend to only worry about their own problems.  One of the things I've learned in the last 8 months is that other spoonies are very supportive of each other.  When I tell a spoonie friend what is going on they care.  I mean they don't just give a half-hearted "Uh, huh, get better soon."  My spoonie friends really care.  I really care about them, too.  I'm not saying that non-spoonies don't care at all, I'm just talking about my experiences.  My bff Om really cares, as does her family.  My wonderful pen pals really care, at least most of them.  So there are people in my life who I know care.  Last but certainly not least, I know that my husband, Jim, cares.

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